Sinned Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

"Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest more...

Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says,
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now.
Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not tell her name."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I more...

Called away for an emergency, a priest didn't want to leave the confessional unattended, so he called his rabbi friend and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come over and he would stay with him for a little while and show him what to do. The rabbi came over and he and the priest entered the confessional.
A few minutes later, a woman entered and said, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."
"How many times?" the priest asked.
"Three times, Father," replied the woman.
"Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more," instructed the priest.
A few minutes later, a man entered the confessional and said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What did you do?" asked the priest.
"I committed adultery," the man confessed.
"How many times?" the priest more...

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, Mike, you wait here, Im going to run in for confession, its been a long time. Pat enters the confessional and says, Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman. The priest asks, was it Mrs Murphy? no, Father, was the reply. Was it Mrs OBoyle? Again the reply was No, Father. Was it Mrs. OGrady? Pat said, Father, Ill not be teling you the ladys name! So the priest told him to say two Hail Marys for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, Well, how did you do? Pat said, Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects!

Three guys found themselves in Hell: Bob, Dave, and Seth. A little confused at their present situation, they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Bob, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Bob was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Dave, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Dave, like Bob, was whisked off.
Seth, now alone, felt more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked more...