Silence Jokes / Recent Jokes
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a more...
There was an Irishman who always wanted a Rolls Royce, fortunately he won the lottery and he decided to buy one with all this money. So he decided to go and have a drive in his new car, he was driving along the motorway and suddenly he saw a Hitchhiker, he pulled over and let the Hitchhiker get in. Half way through the journey the Hitchhiker pulled a gun out on the Irishman, he told him to get out the car, so the Irishman did. The Hitchhiker drew a circle on the floor with a piece of chalk and said
"Stand there at all times". So the Irishman did, the Hitchhiker pulled out a baseball bat and started hitting the car with it, the Irishman laughed and giggled, the Hitchhiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence. Then the Hitchhiker got angry so he started to smash the windows, the Irishman laughed and giggled again, the Hitchiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence again. This time the Hitchhiker got really angry and blew the car up, the Irishman laughed his more...
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
At night someone knocks on the door. Jeeto wakes up and asks:
"Santa, is that you?"
Silence. She returns to bed. Again a knock.
"Santa, don`t make me nervous, is that you?"
Silence. She waits a while then returns to bed. Again a knock. She opens the door to find her drunken husband, Santa, standing there.
"You moron! I was asking if it was you, why weren`t you answering???"
"I was nodding you!!!"
Principal: "Why Is The Class Shouting?"
Teacher: "They Are Not Shouting. They Are Just Discussing The Benefits Of Silence."
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators
were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over
the air, “Are there any friendly bears listening?”After a moment, another voice replied, “Yes, I'm a friendly bear,” and then another voice, “I'm a friendly bear too!”At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, “You're not a very friendly bear, are you?”