Sheep Jokes / Recent Jokes
What did the sheep say to another sheep when he realised his wool was getting too long?
"I need to go to the baaaaaaaaaaaah-bers."
A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback.
On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.
“For fuck’s sake! ” the bloke cried, “what the hell’s going on here? I’ve been here one hour and I’ve seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke’s wanking himself off in the bar! ”
“Fair dinkum, mate, ” the bartender told him, “You can’t expect a man with one leg to catch a sheep”
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over. It`s a big flock, so he takes the bet.
The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
The shepherd says, "Okay, I`m a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees.
"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.
"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell more...
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my more...
Baa Baa Black Sheep have you had a fuck, yes sir yes sir had it with a duck, had it with a hosre and a big fat hen, got a scabby dick and never fucked again
One day a blonde, tried of being made fun of for her hair color, decided that she should trick some people by dying her hair brown. Now, the newly-brunetted blonde went off in search of someone to prove her intelligence to.The first person she came to was a farmer watching his herd of sheep. "What a great opportunity," thinks the blonde. So, she walks up to him and says "Hey, if I can tell you how many sheep are in that whole herd without counting, will you give me one of them?" Now, it was a very big herd, so the farmer says, "Why not? So, what's your guess?""368," the blonde-in-disguise replies.The farmer is shocked, that's exactly the right answer! Well, the blonde claimed her prize, and was smugly walking away, when the farmer ran back up to her."Um, Miss?" he said, "If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me back my dog?"