Separately Jokes

Barbie Dolls Inc. announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the California market.
Rancho Santa Fe Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Saks Fifth Avenue. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a mansion. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic Ken.
Poway Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
National City Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
La Jolla Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
Lakeside/East County Barbie: This more...

(From an article in The (Toronto) Globe and Mail:)
Mr. Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada Ltd.
of Markham, Ont., ordered some parts from a new supplier in Japan. The
company noted in its order that acceptable quality allowed for 1.5 per cent
defects (a fairly high standard in North America at the time).
The Japanese sent the order, with a few parts packaged separately in
plastic. The accompanying letter said: "We don't know why you want
1.5 per cent defective parts, but for your convenience, we've packed
them separately."

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.
The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks".
To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!"
They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."

Disclaimer:

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Sell before date stamped on carton. Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with. Contents under pressure. Void where prohibited or taxed. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Some settling of contents may occur during shipping. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Times approximate. more...

New from MATTEL: Administrative Barbie: Works twelve hour days for little pay (70% of Admin Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop and directions for the coffee machine. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a re-org and a move, and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.

Temp Barbie: This smartly dressed, intelligent, hard-working and enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, but usually goes untouched for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out why they bought her. Pull the string on her back and she'll stuff envelopes indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal arts degree. Comes with mini resume and mini filing cabinet filled with the past five years worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to be collated.

Sister Mary Barbie: This more...