Sensitive Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
    should
    probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

    ----------

    1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
    and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

    2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

    3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

    4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
    enough to build up pressure.

    5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
    you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

    6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
    way to shut a woman up!

    7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
    don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

    8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

    9. more...

    Rules For Bank Robbers

    Hot 8 years ago

    According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
    Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
    Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar more...

    40-ish... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
    Athletic... Watches a lot of NASCAR
    Average looking... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &back
    Educated... Will patronize the shit out of you
    Free Spirit... Banging your sister
    Friendship first... As long as friendship involves nookie
    Fun... Good with a remote and a six pack
    Good looking... Arrogant
    Very good looking... Dumb as a board
    Honest... Pathological Liar
    Huggable... Overweight, more body hair than a bear
    Likes to cuddle... Insecure mama's boy
    Mature... Older than your father
    Open-minded....Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
    Physically fit... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
    Poet... Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom stall
    Sensitive... Cries at chick flicks
    Very sensitive... Gay
    Spiritual... Got laid in a cemetery once
    Stable... Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
    Thoughtful... Says "Excuse me" when he farts

    According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
    Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
    Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar more...

    Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job.
    Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks.
    However it wasn't his glowing probiscus that he wanted changed. He was proud of his nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average rain deer, or bear for that matter.
    So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as... New Ears Day.

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