Senate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed' The Chicken Gun'Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force "chicken gun." It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour. .. The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds." My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness," Baker told colleagues." I wonder why a' special classified briefing' had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one." Baker also wondered aloud "how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their' chicken gun', and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon..."Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be working on it's own more...

The Associated Press has officially declared Democratic challenger, Jon Tester, the winner in the U.S. Senate race in Montana, bringing the Senate up to a total of 50 Democrats.
President Bush admitted to being a bit shocked by the news. Not so much by the Democratic takeover of Congress as by the realization that Montana is a real place.
“I thought it was like Narnia,” he was quoted as saying. "Every time I get my coat out of the wardrobe, I think, Maybe this is the time I'll end up in Montana."

They aren't stupid. Senate Democrats know if they don't pass a health care bill, they are going to need those jobless benefits.

The campaigns of Scott Brown and Martha Coakley exchanged angry jibes Monday as emotions in the crucial Massachusetts Senate contest seemed to reach the boiling point in its final day of campaigning. What's going on here? You would think they were fighting over a late-night talk show.

Winner Republican Scott Brown has taken Kennedy's seat in the Senate. The distraught loser Martha Coakley was seen occupying Kennedy's seat at the bar.

On Friday, a Senate panel announced they are unable to find a link between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda. "However," said one Senator, "we are very close to finding our balls."

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.