Ruin Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you - it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person".
"Yeah, I'd love to f! ck your brains out, but apparently someone BEAT ME TO IT!"
"Are your parents cousins?"
"I know cement that gets hard faster than you."
"Your teeth are so yellow; I can't believe it's not butter."
"Sex with you is like using drugs. Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it."
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."
Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed more...

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
- Roseanne
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog, or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet, or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
- Judy Tenuta
I've more...

1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb... and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton
2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong
3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner
4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner
5. I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman
6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck
7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing ‘em. -Sue Grafton
8. I’m not going to vacuum ‘til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr
9. I think, therefore I’m single. -Lizz more...

Words From Famous Women. .. "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton "I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner "He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" - CarolLeifer "I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." - Wendy Liebman "I'm not going to vacuum' til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne "I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman "I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead "Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy more...

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"