Robert Jokes / Recent Jokes

As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson... 3050 B. C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times. 525 B. C. - The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women's shot put. 214 B. C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the 1, 500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't keep the neighbor's dog out. 1 B. C. - Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year. 432 - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history. 1297- The world's first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or Xerox. 1456 - An English judge reviews Joan of Arc's case and cancels her death more...

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned. "The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"The kid more...

The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they've gotten for the cast. "First of all," he tells him, "We've got Gibson in the lead." The director is surprised, "You got Mel Gibson?" "Well, no," the Producer responds, "we got Marvin Gibson, he's a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he's very up and coming. And besides, we've also got Redford." "You got Robert Redford?" the director asks. "No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he's very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " we've got Streisand and in a singing role." "Barbara Streisand?" he asks. "No, Elizabeth Streisand." The Producer responds. "But she's got a great voice. AND we've got Goulet." "You got Robert Goulet?" the director asks. "Yeah," more...

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, How many children do you have?
Eight, she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert and Robert," she answered.
"They're all named Robert?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Robert,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Robert, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

POTENTIAL VS REALITY
___________
Johnny comes home from school with a writing
assignment to define and subsequently explain the
difference between potential and reality. After
getting nowhere on it for 2 hours, he finally asks his
father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference
between potential and reality?" His father looks up,
thoughtfully, and then says, "Go ask your mother if
she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million
dollars. Then go ask your sister, Suzie, if she would
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come
back and tell me what they said."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to follow his
father's guidance. He goes downstairs to the kitchen
and asks his mother, "Mom, if Robert Redford gave you
a million dollars to sleep with him would you?" His
mother looks around slyly, and then with a little
smile on her face says, "Yes, I more...

1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? Paul Lynde: He's out of town

2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie,' What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen? Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question

3. What are' dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't? Paul Lynde: They give milk. .. and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies

4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him

6. Robert Young recently stated,' I never, never give. ..' something to his fans who ask for it. What? Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy

7. James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one more...

There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, ‘Why did you become a lawyer? ’ In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. ‘I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him? ’
‘I said I became a lawyer because of my hands, ‘ Robert replies.
‘Your hands? What do you mean? ’
‘Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them! ’