Robert Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Potential vs Reality

    Hot 7 years ago

    A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
    His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
    The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His
    mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
    Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! more...

    Game Show Contestant

    Hot 7 years ago

    Janet was a first time contestant on the $65,000 television quiz show. So far, luck was on her side since she had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She had even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.
    Janet agreed to return the following day and was extremely nervous as her husband drove them home.
    "I just have to win tomorrow," she said, "I really wish I knew what the answer is! You realize I'm not going to be able to sleep at all tonight and will probably look horrible tomorrow."
    "Relax, honey," her husband, Robert, said reassuringly. "Everything's going to be fine."
    Minutes after they arrived home, Robert grabbed the car keys and started to head out the door. "Where are you going?" Janet asked.
    "I have one small errand to run," Robert replied. "I should be back soon."
    After an agonizing two hour more...

    Some word definitions

    Hot 4 years ago

    Determination
    Talking the boss out of firing you. (Ken Pinkham)
    Anthrax
    The thorax of a certain colonial insect (Gary Hallock)
    Contract
    Follow the prisoner (Phil Hudson)
    Advice
    Pick up a new bad habit (Jay Christie)
    Tangent
    man who has been in the sun. (Lexicon)
    Catacomb
    An implement for grooming felines. (Richard Lederer and James Ertner)
    Disbelief
    How you tell someone what the green stuff on a tree is. (Jay Christie)
    Political
    Scratching your parrot under his wing to make him laugh uncontrolably. (Stan Kegel)
    Jaywalking
    Exercise that brings on that run–down feeling (Robert Meyers)
    Taxi driver
    someone who earns a living by driving customers away. (Lexicon)
    Catatonic
    Your feline's favorite drink (Richard Lederer and James Ertner)
    Console
    Fileted fish served in prison. (Keith Martin)
    Forfeit
    What most animals stand on (Jay Christie)
    Digress
    Tinted artificial turf. (J. A. more...

    Cajun hunters

    Hot 6 years ago

    Justin Williams told this joke on his Cajun Cooking show:
    Two Cajuns, Rober' and Maurice, decided that hunting possums had gotten too dull, so they planned a trip to Canada to shoot moose. They flew in commercial planes all the way to Saskatoon, and from there, they hired a bush pilot to take them in a little plane into moose country.
    The pilot put them down in a short little airstrip about 200 kms from nowhere.
    "Boys," he said, "I'll be back here at noon in three days. You be right here, and remember that this plane is too small to carry more than the three of us and ONE moose. So, there's no need to hunting more than ONE moose, because you won't be able to take but one out of here."
    Robert and Maurice nodded agreement, and off the plane went, leaving the two Cajuns in the wilderness, eager for their hunting expedition.
    On the third day, the plane landed at 11:55 local time, and there beside the airstrip were Robert and Maurice, each sitting on more...

    Call From Hell

    Hot 3 years ago

    Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush & Robert Mugabe died & went straight to hell.Queen Elizabeth II said "I miss Britain, I want to call Britain and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.George Bush was so jealous, he began screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 10 minutes, then he asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.Robert Mugabe was even more jealous & started screaming, "I want to call Zimbabwe, I want to see how everybody is doing there. I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody". He called more...

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