Retirement Jokes / Recent Jokes
An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites.
She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.
Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.
After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old more...
Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon.
Dave and Lois, both elderly residents at a retirement home, found that the more time they spent together, the friendlier they got with each other. As time went on, they were really beginning to enjoy each other's company. After a few weeks of getting to know each other, Dave said, "I realize we're both old and can't do much sexually any longer, but if I pulled my penis out, would you hold it?"
Not seeing anything wrong with his request, Lois agreed.
Each day for the next month they would sit on a park bench by the lake and Lois would hold Dave's penis. One day, Dave didn't show up at their regular meeting place. Concerned that something may have happened to him, Lois set out to search for him.
Further down the lake she spotted Dave sitting on a bench with another woman beside him. She quickly walked up to the bench and was shocked to see Dave's penis in the other woman's hand.
Upset, Lois yelled at Dave, "We've been together for a few months now. I more...
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
The man says, "And the Viagra?"
"Keeps him from falling out of bed."
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Editors Note: Feel free to TRY to send this joke to a friend, but with the word Viagra don't expect it to make it...
A retired couple is lying in bed one night and are discussing all aspects of their future.
"What will you do if I die before you do?" husband asked wife.
After some thought, she said, "I'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age."
Then wife asked husband, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.