Request Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms- Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

Penis Requests a Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
I do physical hard labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get off days or public holidays
I am on 24hrs standby / 365days
I work in a damp environment with occasional foul smell
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I need to work in various environment conditions and
temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases which carries a very
high risk of death
~~~
Reply
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay faithful in your allocated more...

A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User`s Manual?
The bus and train timetables.
What do you call a Lada on a hill?
A bloody miracle.
One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her choice. She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, "Oh, Erich, if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the borders just for one day." Honnecker said, "Of course, my dear," but was a bit puzzled by her request. He asked, "But why would you have me do such a thing?" The mistress replied, "I want to be alone with you."
Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn`t there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat more...

THE LAST REQUEST OF MRS. SIRIMAVO BANDARANAYAKE:
When I die my body is to be handed over to the medical collage
and the following will have to be done very carefully.
01. MY EYE MUST BE REMOVED AND GIVEN TO MY DAUGHTER (Chandrika) AS ONE OF HERE EYE'S ARE NOT THERE.
02. MY BRAIN MUST BE GIVEN TO MY ONLY SON (Anura) AS HE HAS NO BRAIN.
03. ONE OF MY LEGS MUST BE GIVEN TO THE DEFENSE MINISTER (Anuruddha) AS ONE OF HIS LEGS ARE NOT O. K.
04. AND VERY SPECIALLY MY BACK SIDE (ASS) SHOULD BE GIVEN TO THE MEDIA AND TELECOMMUNICATION MINISTER (Mangala) WHERE HE WILL MAKE VERY GOOD USE OF IT.

The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: - has to work hard; - has to work at great depths; - has to work upside down; - has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; - has to work in a high humidity environment; - has to work at high temperatures; - does not get weekends and holidays off; - does not get time off after extra hours of work; - has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.Request DENIED for the following reasons: - does not work 8 hours in a row; - does not answer immediately to all requests; - does not have a degree; - after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; - shows no fidelity to the workplace; - retires too early; - does not work at all unless pushed from behind; - does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
- has to work hard;
- has to work at great depths;
- has to work upside down;
- has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work;
- has to work in a high humidity environment;
- has to work at high temperatures;
- does not get weekends and holidays off;
- does not get time off after extra hours of work;
- has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.
Request DENIED for the following reasons:
- does not work 8 hours in a row;
- does not answer immediately to all requests;
- does not have a degree;
- after a short activity period, falls asleep at work;
- shows no fidelity to the workplace;
- retires too early;
- does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
- does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

Dear Sirs,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient....
I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, more...