Punch Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, more...
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude. It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite." Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it. The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose." Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. more...
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude.It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite."Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it.The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose."Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. more...
Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMONICS, in other words instead of writing GOTO, the programmer writes JMP or even BRA (branch).
These instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility. Of course, we all know that abbreviations are arbitrary. Anyone who has spent any time programming in assembler knows that all computers can be programmed using an undocumented set of instructions.
Frequently when an error is made writing a program in assembler a user can actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions. These instructions vary from machine from machine, but all computers have a certain set of them in common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing these common instructions for the first time.
ARG: Agree to Run Garbage
BDM: Branch and Destroy Memory
CMN: Convert to Mayan Numerals
DDS: Damage Disk and Stop
EMR: Emit Microwave Radiation
ETO: Emulate more...
Why did the kid punch the bed? His mother told him to hit the hay.