Pudding Jokes / Recent Jokes

Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. What did he use to make it? Elf-raising flour, of course.

Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!

Q: How does a blonde make instant pudding?
A: She places the box in the microwave and looks for the "instant pudding setting" button.

It's certainly a sad sign of the times when international terrorism spoils the Christmas pudding. Security scanners this Christmas season at a major British airport have been fooled by hundreds of Christmas puddings, which they cannot tell from Semtex plastic explosive.
Travelers heading off for the holidays from Manchester airport in northern England had packed the traditional fare in their luggage. But, according to Reuters news reports, the $23 million baggage security system was unable to differentiate between the explosive of choice of the international terrorist and a plum pudding, forcing security officials to examine hundreds of bags.
Airport chiefs insisted that the sophisticated security system was not malfunctioning. "It is designed to detect organic matter, and Christmas puddings have unusual density, which alerts the system," an airport spokesman said.
The story would be amusing were it not such a sad commentary on the state of peace on Earth and more...

Some idiot gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning.

Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The head idiot gangster says' Okay, well, at least we can eat it.' So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding.

They decide to devour it too. Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said' Well, at least they left something for us to eat.'

The next day, while listening to the more...

A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Meghan H. - Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. You take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.
Megan K - Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.
Christa - Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.
Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.
Tommy - Pumpkin
Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin.
Joplyn - Apple Pie
Take more...

A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.
After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it.
In the wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to get rich.
Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.
The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, are more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.
The first safe's combination is cracked and inside the robbers find only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
'Well,' says one robber to another, 'at least we get a bit to eat.'
They open up the second safe and it also contains nothing but vanilla pudding and the process continues until all the safes are opened and there is not one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold to be found.
Instead, all the safes contain more...