Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said,' Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this pretzel hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!' The wrestler nodded in agreement.
The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat more...
Editor's Note: These are, naturally, from the era of the Bush administration...
Draft The Bush Twins
Don't Mess With Mesopotamia
War Is SO 20th Century
When Bush Comes To Shove
Brains Not Bombs
War Is A Dick Thing, Peace Is A Heart Thing
George Dubya: Weapon Of Mass Distraction
Beat The Bushes For Peace
Weapons Of Mass Destruction: Look Under The Bushes
Drop Bush, Not Bombs
Bombing For Peace Is Like F*cking For Virginity
Evolve! Work For A Non-violent Future
If War Is The Answer, We're Asking The Wrong Question
Killing Innocent People Is The Problem, Not The Solution
Save America, Spare Iraq, Make Texas Take Him Back
Real Patriots Drive Hybrids
Drop Names, Not Bombs
Who Would Jesus Bomb?
Stop Mad Cowboy Disease
George Bush more...
A few years ago at the World Amateur Wrestling Championship, there was a pairing of an experienced and undefeated Russian heavyweight wrestler going up against an inexperienced, upstart American heavyweight.
The main reason for the Russian wrestler's success was a hideous hold he had developed called the 'pretzel hold'. He had pinned every wrestler he had faced using this hold. It was called the 'Pretzel hold' because when the hold was applied, his opponent's body would resemble the shape of a pretzel. Once applied, no wrestler had ever been able to escape the hold.
When the match between the Russian and the American began, it was evident that the American had superior quickness, but the Russian was stronger and was just laying in wait for the American to make a mistake so he could apply the pretzel hold. Sure enough, that opportunity soon came to play and the Russian grabbed the American and applied the hold. The crowd groaned and the American wrestler's trainers had to look more...
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young lawyer would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel. This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the lawyer passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him,
" Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."
An old man operated a street corner pretzel stand, selling the pretzels for a quarter each. Each day at lunch time, a young lawyer would pass the stand, leave the man twenty-five cents, but never take a preztel.
This continued for a number of years and throughout that time, they had never spoken.
One day as the lawyer passed the pretzel stand, he left his quarter as usual and the old man finally spoke to him. "Sir, I do appreciate your business and you've been an excellent customer, but I must tell you that the price for the preztels has increased to thirty-five cents."