Pretzel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young lawyer would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel. This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the lawyer passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him,
" Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed
down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal.
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now
don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match
because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this
hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement.
Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times
looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the
American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!
A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in
his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer fromthe crowd, and the trainer raised his eye
just more...

An old man operated a street corner pretzel stand, selling the pretzels for a quarter each. Each day at lunch time, a young lawyer would pass the stand, leave the man twenty-five cents, but never take a preztel.
This continued for a number of years and throughout that time, they had never spoken.
One day as the lawyer passed the pretzel stand, he left his quarter as usual and the old man finally spoke to him. "Sir, I do appreciate your business and you've been an excellent customer, but I must tell you that the price for the preztels has increased to thirty-five cents."

A few years ago at the World Amateur Wrestling Championship, there was a pairing of an experienced and undefeated Russian heavyweight wrestler going up against an inexperienced, upstart American heavyweight.
The main reason for the Russian wrestler's success was a hideous hold he had developed called the 'pretzel hold'. He had pinned every wrestler he had faced using this hold. It was called the 'Pretzel hold' because when the hold was applied, his opponent's body would resemble the shape of a pretzel. Once applied, no wrestler had ever been able to escape the hold.
When the match between the Russian and the American began, it was evident that the American had superior quickness, but the Russian was stronger and was just laying in wait for the American to make a mistake so he could apply the pretzel hold. Sure enough, that opportunity soon came to play and the Russian grabbed the American and applied the hold. The crowd groaned and the American wrestler's trainers had to look more...

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer comes to him and says, ''Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this ''pretzel'' hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!''
The wrestler nods in agreement.
Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circle each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunges forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment goes up from the crowd, and the trainer buries his face in his hands for he knows all is lost. He can't watch the ending.
Suddenly there's a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raises his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back more...

THE BRAINS TRUST PRESENTS:
"PRETZEL EATING IN SAFETY AND COMFORT"
A Guide for the Dangerously Stupid
======================================
Congratulations on purchasing a bag of "Mr Salty" Pretzels.
Correctly used, these salty snacks should provide minutes of healthy enjoyment, however, in order to derive optimum pleasure, and minimal injury, we do recommend that the following procedure is studied and followed.
YOU WILL NEED
1 x comfortable chair
1 x bag of pretzels (contents approximately 24 pretzels)
1 x television receiving equipment, tuned to the sporting event of your choice
Up to 3 dogs - cats or other pets are NOT RECOMMENDED and could be DANGEROUS
STEP 1. OPENING THE BAG
This is a relatively simple procedure, but care needs to be taken nonetheless, so follow the steps carefully.
1. Take hold of the TOP of the bag at EITHER SIDE between FOREFINGER AND THUMB, taking care not to slash your wrists open on the more...