Pond Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.? As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the more...

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.? As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old more...

A man who is overly endowed, so much so that he has a 25 inch penis which is causing him a great deal of problems, goes to see his doctor for help.
"Medically, there is nothing I can do to help you," the doctor says, "but I do know a witch that may be able to help." The doctor then gives him the directions to where he can find the witch.
The witch stares at the man's problem in amazement and then instructs him to go deep into the forest where he will find a pond. "In this pond," the witch says, "you will find a frog. Ask the frog to marry you. Each time the frog says no, your problem will be 5 inches shorter."
Thinking it was definitely worth a try, the man heads off into the forest, finds the pond and sees the frog sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he shouts out to the frog.
The frog looks at him, totally disinterested, and shouts back "No!" He immediately looks down and, sure enough, he's 5 inches more...

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they''re on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in. Moses turns to Jesus and says,' 'I hate it when your dad plays!''

A guy went to see the doctor because he was a little too well-endowed. In fact, it was 25 inches long and he couldn't get women to have sex with him.
The doctor told him that there was nothing that he could do, but recommended a witch doctor.
The witch doctor took a look at the problem and told the man to go to a particular pond deep in the forest and talk to a frog that lived there. "Ask the frog to marry you," she said, "and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."
Worth a try, he thought to himself, and with that, he dashed into the forest. He found the pond and spotted the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Frog, will you marry me?" He called.
The frog looked at him, disinterested at best, and called back, "No."
The guy looked down and sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thought. I'll try that again, "Will you marry me?"
The frog rolled his eyes, and shouted more...

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost." The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there?" To which the wife replies, more...

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day.
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog more...