Nearby Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One Saturday morning, Glen decided to go fishing.
    He sat there for hours, but nothing. The bottle whiskey that he've took with him, was also empty. He throw the empty bottle into pieces against a nearby rock.
    All of a sudden, there was something on the hook. He pulled the fish out of the water. The only fish for the day so far. The fish was so small, Glen decided to throw it back.
    The little fish was so exited, to such an extend, that it decided to give Glen one wish.
    He asked the little fish for some more whiskey. The fish said, "Allright then, when you're urinating, it will be pure whiskey."
    So Glen sat there, and wonder, can this really be? Glen took a glass and urinate in it. It was pure, pure whiskey.
    A while later, a women, who was standing nearby, comes to him and asks, "sir are you allright? I saw you drinking your own piss.
    "No", said Glen, "it's whiskey."
    The women laughed. He urinate into the glass, and gave more...

    Convent joke

    Hot 3 years ago

    The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands
    downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby,
    "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly
    went down the next alley, where they went out of view.
    The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another
    streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman,
    much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a
    blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where
    the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob"
    was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
    Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so
    he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother
    superior," he asked, "what's a more...

    Truly stupid people

    Hot 2 months ago

    A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30, 000+, and has $400. 00+ in monthly payments. He`s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle.

    They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on.

    Remember it`s all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill...

    Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from more...

    A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal. A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog. When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt." Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond." "That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it." Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond. "Now send him back and have him count!" said the man. The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He more...

    A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Sydney Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."
    Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."
    Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardward store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hans Dumbkopfski, USA,, Fencing."

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