Point Jokes / Recent Jokes

You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
Ms. Starchild.")
You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
bit.
You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.
You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not more...

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

We were sitting in church a few weeks ago while the minister delivered a
sermon based on the timeless story of the prodigal son. When he got to
the point where the father sees his son returning and races out to meet
him, the minister said, "Throwing wide his arms, the father said..." at
which point my younger son leaned over to me and whispered "YOU'RE
GROUNDED!"

There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes.

For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it... MY way...!"
9. At the end, more...

The big list of fun stuff to do in that boring ol' courtroom of law...
1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking.
2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn't looking.
3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present.
4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver.
5. Stand up and yell "OBJECTION!" to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING.
6. If you're the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table.
7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubbles.
8. Sing "The Song That Never Ends" incessantly.
9. Get the judge to look at you. Lick your lips and motion that you'll "call him/her."
10. Actually call him/her.
11. Bring a kazoo.
12. Act like you're doing something more...

These are stories from help desks around the country.

At 3: 37 a. m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

----------------------------------------

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I more...