Panel Jokes / Recent Jokes

I'm sick and tired of all the corruption in politics Instead of an ethics panel, these House members should appear before a death panel.

Dear Male Giggler:
Your name has been submitted to us with your nude photo, and I regret to inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold.
On a scale of 0 to 10, your body was rated -2 by our panel of women ranging in age from 60 to 75 years. We tried to assemble a panel of women ranging from 23 to 35, but we could not get them to stop laughing long enough to reach a decision.
Should the taste of the American women ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appropriate in our centerfold, you will be notified by this office. In the meantime, don't call us, we'll call you!
Sympathetically,
Jack Meoff
Centerfold Editor
P.S. We do commend you for your unusual pose. We were wondering, were you wounded in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.

"I want to get screwed," said the man.

"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.

The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.

He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.

"Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"

"What?" said the voice, "Again?"

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," said the man." OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice. The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed. Minutes passed and nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again." Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!""What?" said the voice, "Again?"

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the decks
Not a crewman was stirring,' cept those having sex;
Their boots were all placed by the vent shafts with care,
In hopes that by morning they'd get some fresh air.
The Redshirts were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of stay'ng alive danced in their heads;
And Kirk in his gold shirt, McCoy in his blue,
Had just settled down for a nice Christmas brew--
When from the comm panel there came such a wail,
They sprang from their chairs, knocking over their ale.
Away to the panel Kirk flew, drenched in beer,
Snapped on the comm switch and barked loudly, "Kirk here!"
The squeals that emerged from the thing after that
Sounded just like the Devil was strangling a cat;
When, what to their bombarded ears should appear,
But the music of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,"
With a voice in the background, a murmur of talk,
That more...

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
"I want to get screwed," said the man.
"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.
The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.
He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.
"Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"
"What?" said the voice, "Again?"

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," said the man."OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.Minutes passed and nothing happened.He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again."Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!""What?" said the voice, "Again?"