A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child. The doctor meets them and tells them that he has a new system that will allow the father to take part or all of the mothers labor pains. They both agree and the delivery begins.
The doctor turns the dial to 10%, so that the father will take 10% of the mothers pain. The husband says he feels fine, so the doctor puts it up a notch. The husband still feels fine, so the doctor puts it up to 30%. The husband still feels fine, so it goes up to 50%. The husband tells the doctor to go ahead and put it up to 100%. The husband still feels fine and the child is delivered and the wife felt virtually no pain at all.
They both go back home with their child, where they find the mailman dead on their steps!!!
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?""Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.""That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.""Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I haven't been feeling well at all. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink very much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man. "No, I never touch a drop."
"What about smoking?" the doctor asked.
"Never," the man replied. "Tobacco is bad and I have very strong principles against it."
"Well, do you have much of a sex life?" asked the doctor.
"Gracious, no!" the man exclaimed. "Sex is a sin. I'm in bed by 10pm every night and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head!"
"That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!" said the doctor.
John and Betty had only been married a couple of weeks when Betty started to complain about a burning sensation and pains in her chest. Concerned that it may be something serious, John insisted that she see the doctor as soon as possible.
Betty arranged an appointment with the doctor and saw him the following morning.
While he was at work, John received a phone call from the doctor, "I'm sorry to say your wife has acute angina," the doctor said.
"Yes, I know," John replied, "She has a nice set of tits too!"
When a married couple arrived at the hospital to have their baby delivered, the doctor informed them of a new machine he had invented. He explained that the machine would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pains to the father of the baby, and asked if they would be willing to try it out. They both agreed to give it a try.
To begin, the doctor set the knob of the machine at 10 percent, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced in the past. As labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump it up a notch. The doctor adjusted the knob to 20 percent pain transfer and still, the husband felt fine.
The doctor checked his blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing, so they decided to bump it up to 50 percent.
Even at 50 percent, the husband continued to feel fine. Since it appeared to be helping his wife out considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain more...