Pad Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. CURL UP AND DIE
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
Melinda Lowe, 39, SeguinTX

2. PAD PLEASE
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC

3. HO, HO, HO
I was taking a shower when my 2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take
a more...

An application was for employmentA program was a TV showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with ageA CD was a bank account! And if you had a broken disk, It would hurt when you found out! Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a fileAnd if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile! Log on was adding wood to a fireHard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse livedAnd a backup happened to your commode! Cut--you did with a pocket knifePaste you did with glueA web was a spider's homeAnd a virus was the flu! I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my headI hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead!

There was life before the computerAn application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You`d be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut--you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider`s home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I`ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody`s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show A window was something you hated to clean.... And RAM was the cousin of a goat.....

MEG was the name of my girlfriend And GIG was your middle finger upright Now they all mean different things And that really MEGA bytes

An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu

I guess more...

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You`d be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut--you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider`s home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I`ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody`s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show of note a window was something you hated to clean... And ram was the cousin of a goat.... Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes An application was for employment a program was a TV show a cursor used profanity a keyboard was a piano Memory was something that you lost with age a cd was a bank account and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy you hoped nobody found out Compress was something you did to the garbage not something you did to a file and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while Log on was adding wood to the fire hard drive was a long trip on the road a mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode Cut you did with a pocket knife paste you did with glue a web was a spider's home and a virus was the flu I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head I hear nobody's been more...

Remember when........ A computer was something on TV froma science fiction show of notea window was something you hated to cleanand ram was the cousin of a goatMeg was the name of my girlfriendand gig was a job for the nightsnow they all mean different thingsand that really mega bytesAn application was for employmenta program was a TV showa cursor used profanitya keyboard was a pianoMemory was something that you lost with agea CD was a bank accountand if you had a 3 1/2" floppyyou hoped nobody found outCompress was something you did to the garbagenot something you did to a fileand if you unzipped anything in publicyou'd be in jail for a whileLog on was adding wood to the firehard drive was a long trip on the roada mouse pad was where a mouse livedand a backup happened to your commodeCut you did with a pocket knifepaste you did with gluea web was a spider's homeand a virus was the fluI guess I'll stick to my pad and paperand the memory in my headI hear nobody's been killed in a more...