Pad Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him.
When the contractor comes to her house they do a walk-through and he asks her what colors she would like. When they come to the living room, she tolls him that she would like a nice and warm cream color.
The contractor writes something down on his pad then walks to the window and yells "Greenside up."
The lady gets a little confused, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark."
The contractor writes something down on his pad again, then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!"
The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here."
The contractor writes something on his pad and more...
Life Before the Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show A window was something you hated to clean.... And RAM was the cousin of a goat..... MEG was the name of my girlfriend And GIG was your middle finger upright Now they all mean different things And that really MEGA bytesAn application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a pianoMemory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy You hoped nobody found outCompress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a whileLog on was adding wood to the fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commodeCut you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the fluI guess i'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been more...
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut--you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show A window was something you hated to clean.... And RAM was the cousin of a goat.....
MEG was the name of my girlfriend And GIG was your middle finger upright Now they all mean different things And that really MEGA bytes
An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy You hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu
I guess i'll stick to my pad and paper And the more...