Osama Bin Laden Jokes / Recent Jokes

In his latest public video, Osama Bin Laden denounced democracy, capitalism and global warming.

He also announced that he will seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2008.

Frances Townsend, President Bush's national security adviser, said that Osama bin Laden may be grabbing headlines with a new videotape, but he is "virtually impotent".

So I guess this means that Osama can still f**k us, he just can't get us pregnant.

The book reveals that bin Laden is in good health, is hiding near the Pakistan-Afghanistan border, and once dated John Tesh.

David Letterman presented an hour-by-hour account of a day in the life of Osama bin Laden:7:00 am: "He wakes up and asks his assistant,' Am I still alive?'" 8:00 am: "Has a nutritious breakfast of sand and dirt." 10:30 am: "He takes his camel in for a tune-up at Mazar-e-Sharif Amoco." 11:30 am: "Has trouble opening a jar of peanut butter; declares jihad against Skippy." 1:00 pm: "Tae-Bo." 1:30 pm: "Records a video demanding America surrender or else he'll make another video demanding America surrender." 2:30 pm: "He's a celebrity judge at a wet burqa contest." 3:00 pm: "Picks Mullah Omar's name in this year's Secret Santa drawing." 4:00 pm: "Turns on CNN to closely study the moves of his opponents. Gets bored, switches to Oprah." 5:00 pm: "Gets scolded for not taking out the trash by wives 3, 8, and 16." 9:00 pm: "Plots strategy for upcoming week: cower underground like a spooked more...

NEW YORK - Shampoo, cell phones and Starbucks lattes have suddenly become security threats.
"In mid-flight you could go into the toilet, attach the mobile phone to the explosives and, as the plane makes a final approach over a densely populated urban area, you detonate it," said Irish security analyst Tom Clonan.
To which Osama Bin Laden responded, "Could you go over that again Tom Clonan?...and slower this time?", as he feverishly jotted something in his journal.

Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

In 2003, Al-Qaeda almost launched a gas attack on New York City. The attack was called off by Osama bin Laden's #2 man after he realized Bush would use it as an excuse to invade Iran, where his boss has a summer cave.