Ornament Jokes / Recent Jokes

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection. Each ornament would weight about seven pounds, and require you to pay shipping and handling charges.

* The Law of Common Sense Never accept a drink from a urologist. * The Law of Reality Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. * The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. * The Law of Volunteering If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. * The Law of Avoiding Oversell When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. * The Law of Motivation Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. * Boob’s Law You always find something in the last place you look. * Weiler’s Law Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself. * Law of Probable Dispersal Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. * Law of Volunteer Labor People are always available for work in the past tense. * Conway’s Law In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. * Iron Law of Distribution Them that has, gets. * Law of Cybernetic more...

If the Franklin Mint ran Christmas...
Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection. Each ornament would weight about seven pounds, and require you to pay shipping and handling charges.

"Baby's First Ornament" would have a hand-crank that you turn to hang the thing on the tree.

If companies run ChristmasIf IBM ran Christmas...
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.

If Microsoft ran Christmas...
Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well. You wouldn`t have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it anyway. Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be the first ornament that uses the colors red/green together. It would interrogate your other decorations to find out who made them. Most everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the other tree types wouldn`t work with their hooks.

If Apple ran Christmas...
It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years more...

If IBM ran Christmas...
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.

If Microsoft ran Christmas...
Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well.
You wouldn't have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it anyway.
Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel counter top tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be the first ornament that uses the colors red/green together.
It would interrogate your other decorations to find out who made them.
Most everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the other tree types wouldn't work with their hooks.

If Apple ran Christmas...
It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years more...

If IBM ran Christmas...
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for
their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36
hours of mainframe processing time.
If Microsoft ran Christmas...
Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well.
You wouldn't have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it
anyway. Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced
steel countertop tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city,
take up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be the
first ornament that uses the colors red/green together. It would
interrogate your other decorations to find out who made them. Most
everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them
since most of the other tree types wouldn't work with their hooks.
If Apple ran Christmas...
It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments more...