Nineteen Jokes

An eight year old boy, and a nineteen year old boy with his girlfriend were going to bed.
The nineteen year old and his girlfriend were on the top bunk and the eight year old took the bottom bunk.
The couple on the top bunk wanted to have sex. But their was only one problem... the eight year old on the bottom bunk. So the girl said let's make up keywords so we don't scare him. Lettuce will be harder and tomatoe will be rollover.
All through the night the only thing the puzzled boy heard was lettuce, tamatoe, lettuce, tomatoe, lettuce, tomatoe.
the couple was in the middle of their pleasure when the boy said...
Would you guys stop making sandwiches up their, you're dripping mayonnaise on me

A redneck purchases a ticket and wins the lottery, so he heads to Austin to claim his prize. The man there verifies his ticket number and confirms he has, indeed, won the lottery.
"I want my $20 million," says the redneck.
"I'm sorry, sir," the man replies, "it just doesn't work that way. We give you one million today and then you will receive the rest spread out over the next nineteen years."
"Oh, no. I want all my money now!" demands the redneck. "I won it and I want it!"
The man again explains that he would only receive one million that day and the rest over a nineteen year period.
Furious, the redneck screams, "Look, I want my money. If you're not going to give me my $20 million immediately, then I want my dollar back!"