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    Math Lesson

    Hot 5 years ago

    A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: "Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband" When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

    If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately! Do not open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty.
    It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone's autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some)to migrate behind your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair more...

    54

    Hot 5 years ago

    A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
    Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
    I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
    When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
    Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
    I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.
    You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

    Dear Friends:
    Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need.
    Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level... right here in the land of plenty. And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation.
    BUT NOW YOU CAN HELP!
    For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem,... but it's a start!
    Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent kissing political asses in DC, golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note or mortgage more...

    (If any of these are not original, please blame it on my Commerce 335 professor,
    Dr. Yair Wand. Otherwise, all humour can be attributed to him as the source.)
    A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised
    tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those
    interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class.
    Students were quick to comment on the professor's genetics. Well, one day a
    student entered through the front doors of the lecture hall, while the prof was
    writing notes on the chalkboard. The professor caught the student out of the
    corner of his eye (this acute sense of peripheral vision, further supported the
    rumours of his evolution), and turned to face the student. He demanded, "What
    do you think you're doing?" Being a science student, one naturally thinks
    quickly, so the student snapped up and replied, "I came down from the back to
    get more...

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