Moscow Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Excerpted from an Ann Landers Column)
These are reportedly signs in English collected by Air France employees:
1. From a Tokyo Hotel:
It is forbidden to steal towels. If you are not a person so do such a thing, please do not read this notice.
2. In a Leipzig, Germany elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
3. Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values in at the front desk. If you lose them in your room, we are not responsible.
4. Athens hotel:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
5. Yugoslovian hotel:
The flattening of underware with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid..
6. Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the woman who are employeed to clean the rooms.
7. Moscow hotel:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and
writers are buried daily except more...

Mr Banta Singh Is Traveling From Moscow To Bhatinda. Seated Besides Him Is Gary Kasparov. Gary Asks Him Whether He Would Like To Play Chess To Kill Time.

Banta: ' Oye Gar(R)Y. You Think I Don't Know Who You Are? . I Can't Compete With A World Champion'

Gary: ' How About If I Play Left Handed? '

Banta: [Think... Think..]' Ok! '

Banta Is Demolished In 4 Moves... And Is Very Upset Through-Out The Rest Of The Journey. On Landing He Meets His Friend Santa Singh.

Banta: Hey! You Know What! I Played Chess With Gary Kasparov And He Defeated Me Inspite Of Him Playing Left-Handed.....

Santa: Oye Ullu-De Pathey! ! He Sure Did Fool You! ! You Know What! ! Gary Is Left-Handed! !

DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP:
#1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital.
#2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third- degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a more...

FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between more...

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . .

* United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 *

1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo.

2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide.

3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.

4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.

5) Marines don't wear dungarees.

6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect.

7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back more...

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . .
* United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 *
1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can’t have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo.
2) Dress blues. They’re the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide.
3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.
4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.
5) Marines don’t wear dungarees.
6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out - as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren’t still in the country. Now that’s respect.
7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back to Haiti after 60 years, an old man on more...

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . . * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo. 2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide. 3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart. 4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member. 5) Marines don't wear dungarees. 6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect. 7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back to Haiti after 60 years, an old man on the Cap-Haitien beach said ``Welcome back!'' 8) more...