Modern Jokes

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    What happened to Bill

    Hot 1 year ago

    Joe and Bill are working in a sawmill when Bill accidentally saws his arm off. Joe takes the arm, puts it in a plastic bag, and takes Joe to hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill in rehab playing tennis. Wow, the wonders of modern science,"
    Joe says. They go back to the sawmill and are sawing away when this time clumsy Bill cuts his leg. Joe takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag, and sends Bill to the hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill playing football. "
    Wow, the wonders of modern science,"
    Joe says. They go back to work and this time Bill leans too far forward and cuts his head off. Joe takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag and rushes to the hospital. The next day, Joe visits and find no sign of Bill. "
    Where's Bill?"
    he asks an orderly. "
    We could have saved him,"
    the orderly replied,"
    but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag - and the poor guy suffocated."

    Brilliant's Observation On Modern Art: Not all our artists are playing a joke on the public. Some are genuinely mad.

    To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
    "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
    If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
    however, will require some work.
    There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
    1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
    2. Going to meetings.
    Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
    that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...

    15> Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
    14> Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
    13> Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
    12> Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
    11> Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck
    yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"
    10> After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find
    clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
    9> After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
    8> No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
    7> With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs
    are suddenly off-limits.
    6> No warm blood for miles around DC.
    5> Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
    4> No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.
    3> Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized
    "hardbodies."
    2> Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
    and the more...

    60
    The famous British one-eyed Admiral was Nelson
    61
    The earlier name of Sri Lanka was Ceylon
    62
    The UNO was formed in the year 1945
    63
    UNO stands for United Nations Organisation
    64
    The independence day of South Korea is celebrated on 15th August
    65
    'Last Judgement'was the first painting of an Italian painter named Michelangelo
    66
    'Paradise Regained' was written by John Milton
    67
    The first President of Egypt was Mohammed Nequib
    68
    The first man to reach North Pole was Rear Admiral Peary
    69
    The most famous painting of Pablo Picasso was Guernica
    70
    The primary producer of newsprint in the world is Canada
    71
    The first explorer to reach the South Pole was Cap. Ronald Amundson
    72
    The person who is called the father of modern Italy is Giuseppe Garibaldi
    73
    World literacy day is celebrated on 8th September
    74
    The founder of modern Germany is Bismarck
    75
    The country more...

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