Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected? His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.LB: But what if there is a shortage of meat? HF: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying,"No one needs meat today."
A man got a kick out of turning simple things into mysteries when composing a letter, though he was not good at all at writing.
One day his father told him to write a letter to his brother and tell him four things:
A villager died not long ago.
The price of meat has gone up.
The household has employed a new accountant.
His brother's wife is going to have a baby.
When the son had finished, however, the letter read: "A villager died not long ago. The meat sold for 179 silver coins. The household has employed a new accountant. My sister-in-law's belly is getting bigger and bigger." He soon got an angry answer from his brother: "Domestic shame should not be made public. How can the flesh of the dead be sold to others?"
Q. Whats the difference between your wife, eggs, meat and a blow job?
A. You can beat your wife, your eggs, and your meat, but you can't beat a blow job.
A meat counter clerk, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be $6.35," he told the customer.
"That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?"
Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took the same one out again.
"This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65."
The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. "I know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"
Four guys are standing on a street corner...an American, a Russian, a Chinese man, and an Israeli...
A news reporter comes up to the group and says to them:
"Excuse me...What's your opinion on the meat shortage?"
The American says: What's a shortage?
The Russian says: What's meat?
The Chinese man says: What's an opinion?
The Israeli says: What's "Excuse me"?...
A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Matador".
As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer.
The dish is spaghetti with these two huge meat balls. When the waiter comes to his table, he inquires. "That is the Matador Special" replies the waiter. "Spaghetti and Bull testicles. We get them after the bull fight. It is exquisite!"
"That's what I'll have!", says the businessman.
"I'm very sorry senor, but that dish is only available once per day".
Disappointed, the man orders another dish and plans to try again the next day.
So again, the next day he goes to the bull fights, and afterwards stops into the dive. Just as the waiter is coming to his table, he sees another waiter bringing the "Matador Special" to another customer who was more...
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day whena young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered hisbutcher shop and confronted him with the news that thebaby was his and asked what was he going to do aboutit? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat untilthe boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting themeat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow.""I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've beencounting too, tell your mother, when you take thisparcel of meat home, that it is the last free meatshe'll get, and watch the expression on her face."When the boy arrived home he told his mother. Thewoman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcherand tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch theexpression on HIS face!"