Roast Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Blonde's Diary

    Hot 2 months ago

    MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.
    TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.
    WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.
    THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
    FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.
    SATURDAY: Ron more...

    Roast beef sandwich

    Hot 2 years ago

    You're so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

    A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop
    and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog
    running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to
    demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers,
    "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
    The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 [attorneys
    don't carry cash-it's too plebeian-and the butcher hadn't brought the
    shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].
    Several periods of time later-it could be the next day but that would be
    unrealistic-the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the
    lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.

    A blonde had just gotten back from her honeymoon and was cooking roast beef. Before she put it in the pan she cut off the end. Her husband asked her,"why do you do that?" "thats the way my mother did it,"the blonde replied.So they asked her mother who was also blonde why she cut the end off the roast beef,"thats the way my mother did it,"So they asked her mother who was also a blonde why she did it and she said, "because the pan was too small."

    A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.
    Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
    Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"
    The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." said the butcher.
    A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
    Attached to it was an invoice. It read: Legal Consultation Service $150

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