Roast Jokes

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    A Blonde's Diary

    Hot 2 months ago

    MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.
    TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.
    WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.
    THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
    FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.
    SATURDAY: Ron more...

    Roast beef sandwich

    Hot 2 years ago

    You're so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

    A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
    Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"
    The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"
    "$7.98." said the butcher.
    A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
    Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150

    A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
    Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."
    A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .

    A gentile once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken.
    The waiter said, "Take my advice and have the boiled beef today."
    "No thank you. I want the roast chicken"
    "Listen to me. The roast chicken is not for you. Have the boiled beef"
    "What is this? Don't you suppose I know what I want? Bring me the roast chicken at once!" The diner was getting mad.
    "I will not do that. I know better than you what you want."
    "Look," said the diner striking the table a resounding blow, "get me the manager!"
    The manager drawn by the noise, came bustling over. "What the hell is going on here?"
    The waiter turned to him and said, "Listen. This guy didn't come here to eat. He came here to give me an arguement."
    From "Asimov Laughs Again", an absolutely wonderful book full of jokes and anecdotes from the Good Doctor.

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