The United Nations conducted a worldwide survey with one single question:
"Would you please give your opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure:
* In Latin America, they didn't know what please meant ...
* In China, they didn't know what opinion meant ...
* In the Middle East, they didn't know what solution meant ...
* In Europe, they didn't know what shortage meant ...
* In Africa, they didn't know what food meant ...
* In the United States, they didn't know what the rest of the world meant ...
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion!"
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.Patient: I wanna second opinion.Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.
A man holding a parrot came running and screaming into a veterinarian's office. The vet immediately brought him into an examining room and carefully examined the parrot, and then said to the man, "I'm sorry, but this bird is dead."The man began to cry, "No! No! That can't be true! I want another opinion."The vet thought a second, then said, "Okay," and left for the back office. He returned with a black Labrador retriever. The black Lab sniffed the bird and finally gave a low "woof" sound and looked up at the vet. The vet said to the man, "The dog thinks that the bird is dead too."The man said, "I don't believe it! I want another opinion!"The vet then left with the black Lab and came back with a cat. He placed the cat on the examination table and the cat walked over to the bird and sniffed and nudged the bird again and again. Finally the cat shrugged its shoulders and walked away from the bird.The vet said, "The cat more...
A Russian, a Pole, an American, and an Israeli are interviewed.
The interviewer asks each, in turn, "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Russian replies, "What's an 'opinion'?"
The Pole replies, "What's 'meat'?"
The American replies, "What's a 'shortage'?"
And the Israeli replies, "What's 'excuse me'?"