Manual Jokes / Recent Jokes

Befuddled PC users flood help lines, and no question seems to be too
basic
AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new
Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made
sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she
pushed the power button.
"I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman
replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this
little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out,
was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the
computer's operations.
Personal-computer makers are discovering that it's still a low-tech world out
there. While they are finally having great success selling PCs to households,
they now have to deal with people to whom monitors and disk drives are a more...

How many Support staff does it take to change a light bulb?

"Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again."

"It's in the manual. Didn't you read the manual?"

"The bulb was fine; you just forgot to turn the switch on."

"The light bulb doesn't work? You must be using a non-standard socket."

"Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem?"

"Our engineers are busy at the moment... We have assigned query number 987632 to your question. Please refer to it in all future correspondence."

I am contributing the following word-for-word quotations from my Artec Mouse Manual (mouse mfg'd in Taiwan):
Welcome to work with the smart mouse.
Right from now your computer job are no more a boring and tremendous typing process.
Alternatively, an easy and freiendly method to communicate with your personal computer does just present in you sight.
Because the content to this manual progresses as a logical manner, we recommend you should read it in order.
In order to facilitate our customer's ready. This manual is presented in seven different languages.
Before you begin to read this manual, check what mouse package you are.
The driver supports a help list that users can call it anytime.
Note: the driver provides default setting for those parameter list above you had not selected.
The screen shows the version of the Mouse driver that you are using and many hardware configured information.
Connect the equipment into an outlet on a circuit the more...

Computer Problem Report Form1. Describe your problem: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________2. Now, describe the problem accurately: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________4. Problem Severity: A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D. Trivial__5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Strange Smell__6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__9. Have you made it worse? Yes__10. Have you had "a friend" who "Knows all about computers" try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__12. Have you more...

Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
The only chip inside is a Dorito.
You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:

1. Describe your problem:
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________________
_____________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

4. Problem severity:
A. Minor
B. Minor
C. Minor
D. Trivial

5. Nature of the problem:

A. ___Locked Up
B. ___Frozen
C. ___Hung
D. ___Strange Smell

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __

7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __

9. Have you made it worse? Yes __

10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about more...

I am contributing the following word-for-word quotations from my Artec Mouse Manual (mouse mfg'd in Taiwan):

Welcome to work with the smart mouse.
Right from now your computer job are no more a boring and tremendous typing process.
Alternatively, an easy and freiendly method to communicate with your personal computer does just present in you sight.
Because the content to this manual progresses as a logical manner, we recommend you should read it in order.
In order to facilitate our customer's ready. This manual is presented in seven different languages.
Before you begin to read this manual, check what mouse package you are.
The driver supports a help list that users can call it anytime.
Note: the driver provides default setting for those parameter list above you had not selected.
The screen shows the version of the Mouse driver that you are using and many hardware configured information.
Connect the equipment into an outlet on a more...