Lorenzo Jokes

Venanzio and Lorenzo were sitting on a bench in a New York park.
"Hey," said Venanzio, "do you likea biga fat woman with a longa straggley hair?"
"No, I'ma no likea dat" replied Lorenzo.
"Den, you likea da woman with a garlic comin' from her mouth alla da time?" inquired Venanzio.
"Nope, I'ma no like dat kinda either!" said Lorenzo.
"You musta likea da woman with a big, thicka hips anna varicose veins, no?" asks Venanzio.
"Notta me!" answered Lorenzo.
"Den whya you keepa screwin' my wife?" Venanzio asked.

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night. He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle. Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno. When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, "Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place."

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know
who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President
of- a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all
about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says.
"Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President
of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all
about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi... you
know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while
you're in night more...

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?" He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S. - a citizen." A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S. - a citizen." A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi. . . you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?" He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?" The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."

Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons: "I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty
thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!" "I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!" "But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!" Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?" Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."