Lizard Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dopin' Lizard

    Hot 5 years ago

    A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?"
    The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
    So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
    A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
    The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
    The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says, "Hey you!"
    The Monkey looks down more...

    Why did the lizard go on a diet? It weighed too much for its scales!

    Could Godzilla, the King of Monsters and Elvis, The King, be one and the same?
    Godzilla: King of Monsters
    Elvis: King of Rock
    Year Career Started:
    Godzilla: 1954
    Elvis: 1954
    Godzilla: Giant lizard
    Elvis: Giant lounge lizard
    Social Order:
    Godzilla: Hangs with freaks
    Elvis: Had (has?) Michael Jackson for son-in-law
    Famous bug battles:
    Godzilla: Fought giant caterpillar Mothra
    Elvis: Outlasted the Beatles
    Vocal quirks:
    Godzilla: Terrible dubbing of his movies
    Elvis: Never could lip-synch
    Eating habits:
    Godzilla: Would eat anything
    Elvis: Would eat anything fried
    Godzilla: Played by fat man in rubber suit
    Elvis: Was fat man in polyester suit
    Alien encounters:
    Godzilla: Traveled past Jupiter for Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
    Elvis: Was believed to be aboard alien spacecraft on Independence Day
    Godzilla: Fought pollution in Godzilla vs. Smog more...

    What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house? The Lizard of Oz!

    What happened to the lizard in the wizards garden pond? He had him newt-ered.

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