Elvis Jokes

- You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
- You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
- You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
- You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
- You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
- You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
- There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

This a new month. Which means it's time to once again look at the things people do in search of a buck. Yep, it's Weird Business News.
Our Best Stock Symbol Award this time to Schlotzsky's, the Austin-based sandwich shop chain. You can find its price on the Nasdaq listings under BUNZ.
The Best Millennium Event for Elvis Fans - the 1999 Millennium Elvis Week Aug. 8 through 16 at Memphis, in which Elvis will be recognized - albeit by the people who make and sell his records - as the "Artist of the Century."
Our It Sounds Dirty Even If It Isn't Award to Douglas R. Nappi, a vice president for government relations at the New York Stock Exchange. Nappi was complaining about those who hack into sites that provide stock quotes without paying for the service. Nappi calls it "quote sucking."
The One Million and One Uses for Duct Tape Award to former astronaut and U.S. Sen. John Glenn. In a recent speech in Avon, Ohio, Glenn revealed that astronauts have used more...

REDNECK DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
Last name:______________
First name:______________
(_) Billy-Bob (_) Bobby-Sue
(_) Billy-Joe (_) Bobby-Jo
(_) Billy-Ray (_) Bobby-Ann
(_) Billy-Sue (_) Bobby-Lee
(_) Billy-Mae (_) Bobby-Ellen
(_) Billy-Jack (_) Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
(_) Badd-Teddy Bob
Age:_____(if unsure, guess)
Sex: (_)M (_)F (_)None
Shoe Size:______Left_____Right
Occupation:
(_) Farmer (_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser (_) Waitress
(_) Un-employed (_) Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name:_________________
2nd Spouse's Name:______________
3rd Spouse's Name_______________
Lover's Name:___________________
2nd Lover's Name:_______________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister (_) Aunt
(_) Brother (_) Uncle
(_) Mother (_) Son
(_) Father (_) Daughter
(_) Cousin (_) Pet
Number of children living in household:_____
Number of children living in more...

404
someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be located - Don't bother asking him, he's 404.
Adminisphere
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rack and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Alpha Geek
The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
Beepilepsy
The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Blamestorming
sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Brain Fart
A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information more...

A: Elvis has been sighted.