Leno Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ok let me try and figure this out...Jay Leno was at 11:30 and NBC moved him to 10:00 and Conan to 11:30..Now Leno is being cut to 30 mins and moved back to 11:30 and Conan to 12:00...but Jerry Seinfeld may replace Conan...WAIT A MIN..Im confused... I thought LOST was on ABC!

POLITICIAN - A person who divides all available time between running for office and running for cover.
From: Lela Lowe - [email protected]
Jay Leno: "This is a rough election year.... Huffington's illegal nanny has started running negative ads against Feinstein's illegal nanny"
("Tonight," NBC, 11/4).
David Letterman: "Big election on Tuesday and that means just about now Ted Kennedy should be auditioning strippers for the victory party."
("Late Show," CBS, 11/4).
David Letterman, on the "ugly" campaign: "You look at some of these races around the country and you think it's just a damn shame somebody has to win."
Letterman: "President Clinton is the only president we've ever had who when someone holds up a baby, he doesn't know whether to kiss it or deny knowing the mother"
("Late Show," CBS, 11/7).
Jay Leno, on Huffington calling Sens. Barbara Boxer and Dianne more...

"We're still on the road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week - all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she's not there for cease-fire. No, she's there for 'sustainable cease-fire,' which considering the Middle East, is like sending her to bring back Jimmy Hoffa on a unicorn." -Stephen Colbert
"Yesterday Condoleezza Rice went into President Bush's office and said, 'I'm off to Lebanon.' And President Bush said, 'Vacation?'." -Jay Leno
"Saddam Hussein has been on a hunger strike for seventeen days. They had to nurse him back to health with a feeding tube to get him healthy enough so he can go back on trial. And then be put to death. It is an odd thing. Two years ago, we were dropping ten thousand pound bombs on the guy. Now we're feeding him nutrients through a tube. No wonder he's confused." -Jimmy Kimmel
"This more...

Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show...

Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills are telling teenage girls that taking the pill can help clear up their skin. Do you think that's true? I think there is a better chance of clearing up the boyfriend's skin. ..

Fashion experts say that President Bush is helping bring back cowboy boots and cowboy hats. See, so it is not just for male strippers anymore. ..

LeAnn Rimes apologized to fans for the quality of her new album. Isn't that unbelievable? If LeAnn Rimes has to apologize for her album, what the heck is Kathie Lee going to do, commit suicide?

In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hugh Hefner admitted having 7 girlfriends, one for each night of the week. .. Someone should tell him those are called nurses. He said they all have sex together in the same bed. He said Viagra makes it possible. .. I think money makes it possible!

Surgeons in Britain amputated the hand of more...

NBC is looking to add a drama program in place of “The Jay Leno Show”at 10 PM. I have to ask: isn’t one taping of “The Jay Leno Show” enoughdrama for one week?

Late Nite Jokes heard on T. V." There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head." - Jay Leno"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves." - David Letterman"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." - David Letterman"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our more...

"Scooter Libby, who got indicted, has set up a legal defense fund to help pay his legal bills. It's pretty good, for a $1,000 donation you get a hand-written thank you note and the name of a CIA agent." --Jay Leno

"Libby was indicted on two counts of obstruction of justice, three counts of perjury, and one count of not being as smart as Karl Rove." --Jon Stewart

"What did Scooter Libby say when he bumped into President Bush at the White House?. .. Pardon me." --Jay Leno

"Outside the courthouse, Libby's lawyer said all he wants to do is clear his client's good name. I don't know, Scooter? Is that a good name?" --Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney's former assistant, Scooter Libby, pleaded not guilty to the Yeah, the weird thing is since his name is Scooter, he's being tried in juvenile court." --Conan O'Brien

"Dick Cheney's right-hand man Scooter Libby has been indicted. By more...