Lager Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a' cheers for the sex would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. The only show opposite' Monday Night Football' would be' Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'
6. Instead of' beer-belly,' you'd get' beer-biceps.'
7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop:' You know how fast you were going?' You:' All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop: Nice one, that's $20 off.'
10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
11. Every more...
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says “I want you to see this. ” She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, “what do you have to say about this experiment? ”
He responds by saying: “If I drink whiskey, I won’t get worms! ”
The Beer Prayer^
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. he more...
Our lager, which art in barrels, Hollowed be thy drink. I will be drunk, At home as in the taverns. Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages, as we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not into incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer. The bitter and the lager Forever and ever
There was a Scottish man, an Irish man and a stupid man one day they came across a magic slide. So if you slide down it and shouted out anything in the world, you would land in that thing, so the Scottish man went down the slide and shouted "lager" and he landed in a pool of lager.
The Irish man went down and shouted "money". He landed in a pot of money.
The stupid man went down the slide and shouted "Ahhhhh weeeeee"....and I think you know what happened next!!!
A reindeer walked into a pub, strolled up to the bar and ordered a pint of lager.
Completely unphased, the barman poured out the lager and passed it to the reindeer, who handed over a ten pound note.
As he handed over the change of a few coins, the barman said "I have to say, you're first reindeer I've seen in here."
The reindeer studied the change very carefully and said. "Tell you what sunshine, as these prices I'm also the last reindeer you're going to see in here."
Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a' cheers for the sex' would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. The only show opposite' Monday Night Football' would be' Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'
6. Instead of' beer-belly,' you'd get' beer-biceps.'
7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop:' Do you know how fast you were going?' You:' All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop:' Nice one, that's $20 off.'
10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
11. more...