Jury Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man who was chosen for jury duty wanted very much to be dismissed from serving. He tried just about every excuse he could come up with, but nothing worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more try. Just as the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, "I feel I must be excused from this trial since I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those sneaky, beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said, 'He's a crook! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!' Therefore, your Honor, I could not possibly remain on this jury."
Glaring at him, the Judge replied, "Get yourself back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer!"

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a' compromising position.'"

"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded one jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury...

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?"Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didnt know there would be women on the jury. Since I cant even fool my wife, Ill never be able to fool the four women jurors."

Shultz, a lawyer, bribed a man on the jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the prosecution. The jury was out for nearly a week before they returned to court with the manslaughter verdict. When Shultz paid the juror, he asked him if it had been hard to persuade the other jurors to get the charge of manslaughter. "Sure did," the juror replied, "all the others wanted to acquit him."

A man who was chosen for jury duty wanted very much to be dismissed from serving. He tried just about every excuse he could come up with, but nothing worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more try. Just as the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, "I feel I must be excused from this trial since I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those sneaky, beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said,' He's a crook! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!' Therefore, your Honor, I could not possibly remain on this jury."
Glaring at him, the Judge replied, "Get yourself back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer!"

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client. The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading "Justice has triumphed!"
The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"

As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed in a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.
During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.
"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."
Both were excused.