Italians Jokes / Recent Jokes
You know you are addicted to your Italian roots when...
You pay the paperboy with LIRA
You answer your neighbors by grunting and saying, "No speaka Engleesh!"
You tell people that Raffaele, Michelangelo and Donatello of Ninja Turtle fame are your first cousins.
You start calling your wife Gina and tell her you'll be happy to pay for breast enlargements.
You carry Italian road maps in your glove compartment
You can recite the name of every province in Italy in 2 minutes (and you can spell them in 4 minutes).
You get arrested at the Mall after the police don't accept your explanation that Italians are overcome by a natural urge to pinch buttocks after 22 women identity you
You leave work at 10 AM because it's quitting time in Rome.
You call WPIX-TV in NYC to ask why the Yankee announcers ARE speaking English
You spray paint over the chrome "Buick" emblem on your automobile and write "FIAT" in 12 inch letters
You more...
Heaven is...
when the French are the cooks, the Italians are the lovers, the British are the police, the Germans are the mechanics and the Swiss run the hotels.
Hell is...
when the British are the cooks, the Swiss are the lovers, the Italians are the mechanics, the French run the hotels and the Germans are the police.
Heaven is...
when the French are the cooks,
the Italians are the lovers,
the British are the police,
the Germans are the mechanics
and the Swiss run the hotels.
Hell is...
when the British are the cooks,
the Swiss are the lovers,
the Italians are the mechanics,
the French run the hotels
and the Germans are the police.
How many country and western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it; one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one; one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one; and one to go "Yeeeee-Haw!" and throw his hat in the air.
How many armies does it take to change a light bulb?
At least six: the Germans to start it; the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while; the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then run away;: the English to stand firm back home but not get anywhere near the bulb; the Americans to turn up late, finish it off and take all the credit; and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
How many members of parliament does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one: one to change it and twenty to take a six-week fact finding trip to the Bahamas to learn more about how it`s done.
How many lawyers does it take to change a more...
Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Italians, but when they turn the corner there is an Italian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup.
The guy who hates Italians puts some coins in the monkey's cup.
When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Italians, yet you gave him money?"
And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they're little."
How many Italians does it take to screw in the light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to shoot the witnesses.
Why did the Italians lose the war?
Because they ordered ziti instead of shells.