Irving Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A happily married man, Irving Topper, found himself driving through a badly paved country road in upstate Rhinebeck, New York. A sudden flat tire sent the car wobbling to a standstill.
    The lights in a nearby health manor invited Topper to rap on the door. An attractive lady opened the door and asked what she could do for him. He told her his problem and wondered if he could seek the shelter of her house until dawn, whe he would repair the flat. The lady agreed and invited him into her parlor.
    One word led to another; one drink let to another; one touch led to another. Irving Topper was soon divested of his clothes and snuggling in the lady's bed with an equally naked lady.
    In the morning Topper thanked her for her hospitality, told her his name was Herman Thompson, changed his tire, and drove off.
    About six months later, Topper received a call from his friend Herman Thompson.
    "Hey," said Thompson, "did you ever give my name to a lady in Rhinebeck, more...

    The Sabbath Violator

    Hot 4 years ago

    Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
    "Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
    "Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I lent you, 'The Other Side of the Story', about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
    "Yeah, like what?"
    "Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
    "Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
    "Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
    "She had one last week."
    "Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
    "She's home."
    "Well, maybe he's more...

    Sabbath Violator.
    Morris and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
    "Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
    "Wait a minute," Morris replied. "Didn`t you read that book I lent you, `The Other Side of the Story`, about the command to judge other people favourably? I`ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving`s behaviour."
    "Yeah, like what?"
    "Maybe he`s sick and needs to go to the hospital."
    "Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he`s healthier than Arnold Schwartzeneger."
    "Well, maybe his wife`s having a baby."
    "She had one last week."
    "Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
    "She`s more...

    A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Irving. He can't wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how smart he is.
    The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation.
    The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands "Okay, Irving, Fetch!"
    Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face.
    Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy... This constant wagging of the tail puts me in such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating that junk you call designer dog food. Forget it...it's too salty and it gives me gas. And also the runs, but what do more...

    A Nice Jewish Dog
    A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Irving.
    He can't
    wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor
    finally comes
    over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how
    smart he is.
    The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his
    master, tail
    wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright
    with
    anticipation.
    The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands "Okay,
    Irving,
    Fetch!"
    Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail
    wagging
    furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile
    disappears. He
    starts to frown and puts on a sour face.
    Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy,
    wagging my
    tail all the time? Oy... This constant wagging of the tail puts
    me in
    such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating
    that more...

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