Lenny Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Advice from lawyers

    Hot 3 years ago

    George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, "Lenny - we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are."George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelledback, "You're in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air."George Called down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." "Gee, George," Lenny replied, "How can you tell?" George answered, "Because the more...

    The Sabbath Violator

    Hot 4 years ago

    Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
    "Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
    "Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I lent you, 'The Other Side of the Story', about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
    "Yeah, like what?"
    "Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
    "Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
    "Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
    "She had one last week."
    "Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
    "She's home."
    "Well, maybe he's more...

    Sabbath Violator.
    Morris and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
    "Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
    "Wait a minute," Morris replied. "Didn`t you read that book I lent you, `The Other Side of the Story`, about the command to judge other people favourably? I`ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving`s behaviour."
    "Yeah, like what?"
    "Maybe he`s sick and needs to go to the hospital."
    "Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he`s healthier than Arnold Schwartzeneger."
    "Well, maybe his wife`s having a baby."
    "She had one last week."
    "Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
    "She`s more...

    Marriage Quotes 1

    Hot 1 year ago

    In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth AshleyMany a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim BackusNo man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de BalzacHoneymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray BandyMarriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - BaskinsI feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame InductionsLove: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose BierceThe world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose BierceI recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David BissonetteAh Mozart! He was happily married more...

    In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
    Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
    No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
    Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
    Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
    I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
    Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
    The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
    I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David more...

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