Irishman Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman are in a bar discussing how stupid their wives are...
    The English man says: You know my wife must be the most stupid woman on this planet. There was a sale down at the supermarket last week, she bought $300 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer...
    The Scotsman says: That's nothing, my wife went out last week and bought a brand new car for $8000, and she can't even drive...
    The Irishman says: You think that's stupid, I went home last week and my wife told me that she'd booked herself a two week holiday in Tenerife. I watched her packing her case and she took nearly 400 condoms with her, and she doesn't even have a penis...

    There were 3 men. An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman. They all had a daughter. The Englishman said "I found a bottle of vodka in my daughters room, I didn't even know she drank!"

    "That's nothing" said the Scotsman "I found a pack of cigs in my daughters room, I didn't even know she smoked!"

    "That's nothing" said the Irishman "I found a pack of condoms in my daughter's room, I didn't even know she had a dick!"

    There are three men stranded on a deserted island (hmm sounds familiar).
    One is Italian, one is Irish and the other Polish. They have been on the Island for close to six months and have developed a great rapport with one another and become the best of friends.
    One day they are searching the shore for a sign of passing boats when they come across a bottle. When the Italian rubs the bottle a genie comes out (can you believe it!). The genie thanks the three men and says "I will grant you three wishes, but it can only be one wish each and I am so tired of being in the bottle for so long it might take a couple of weeks between wishes".
    So the Italian says "I wish I was back in Rome eating a big plate of antipasto"
    POOF!!! he is back in Rome like he wished. A couple of weeks later the Genie says ok, to the Irishman, "What is your wish"
    The Irishman replies, I wish I was back in Dublin at Mac Murphy's pub with a pint of lager. POOF!!! He gets more...

    Handbags

    Hot 2 years ago

    The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women.
    Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?"
    The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace.
    The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says more...

    A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese.
    He says to the Irishman, "you're in charge of Sweeping, I want this whole area swept up before I get back".
    He says to the Italian, "You're in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away."
    He says to the Chinaman, "You're in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back."
    Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done. The Irishman says, "I couldnt find a broom. You left the Chinaman in charge of supplies and he disappeared." The Italian says "And I couldn't find a shovel".
    So the forman starts walking and looking for the chinaman. Just then, the Chinaman jumps out from behind a pillar and screams "SUPPLIES!!"

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