Involved Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to more...

I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said "no".

A man was involved in an auto accident. Soon after, a police officer arrived at the scene. "Are you seriously injured?" he asked.

"How should I know?" the man replied. "I'm a doctor, not a lawyer."

- If your hat, belt and boots cost more than your sidearm.
- If you know what a' court gun' is.
- If you have a' court gun'.
- If directions to a location involve livestock, property descriptions, or the words "When you get off the pavement."
- If the winner of the last three bar room brawls was last years Homecoming Queen.
- Dressing up for court involves pressed Wranglers and a Brushpopper shirt.
- If anyone on the Department is named' Bubba'.
- If you don't know Bubba's real name.
- If Bubba is his real name.
- If you've ever gotten a confession from a critter by threatening him with either his Mama or God.
- If your interview for the job involved the question: "Can you take a whuppin'?"
- If you have more weapons and ammunition in your cruiser than most small nations have in their armies.
- If you've ever had an' Officer Involved Shooting' where the victim was a feral hog or other four-pawed critter more...

Today is one of the first Father's Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English. - -------------------------------------------------------------------------------In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses. Today, it's the size of his minivan. - -------------------------------------------------------------------------------In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home. - -------------------------------------------------------------------------------In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera. - more...

A farmer whos been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim."I understand youre claiming damages for the injuries youre supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company."Yes, thats right," replied the farmer, nodding his head."You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, Ive never felt better inn my life. Is that the case?""Yeah, but" stammered the farmer."A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly."Yes," Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmers counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said."Certainly," replied the farmer. more...

A little old lady walked into the main branch of Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to open an account with the bank and deposit the $3 million she had in the bag. She said that prior to doing so she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the large amt. of money involved. The teller opened the bag and saw bungles of $100 bills and thinking this a reasonable request telephoned the president's secretary to make an appointment for the lady. Later the lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The bank president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of money and whether it was perhaps and inheritance. She replied "No, I bet on people." Seeing his confusion she explained that she just bet different things with different people. All more...