Invite Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team? Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
One day Mulla was invited to a meeting they asked him unexpectedly to make an speech. He did go on the tribune and asked; does any of you people know what I am going to talk about? People look at each others and said, No.
He then said, "than I never make speech for such an ignorance people" and left the meeting. Once he left people put their mind together and decided to invite Mulla for another time to come and make speech for them. At the same time they agreed that if Mulla ask them same question they all would say "yes".
For second time he came to the meeting and asked "does any of you knows what I am going to talk about? They all responded "yes" than he said if you already know then there is no need for my speech and he left.
This time people got realy pist off and they again decided to invite him for speech but this time they agreed to divide themselves and half of them say "Yes" and the other half say "NO" if more...
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
Great things about being a bloke!!!
* Understanding football (any football!)
* A five day holiday requires one overnight bag
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
* Queues for the bathroom don't exist
* You can open all your own jars
* When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of someone crying
* All your orgasms are real
* You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around
* You can go to the bathroom without a support group
* When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
* You never have to clean a toilet
* You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
* You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week
* Sex means never worrying about your reputation
* Wedding plans take care of themselves
* If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that more...
A Guide to Love and Sex for VirginsAs a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive andfrank "question and answer" format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explainseverything you've ever wondered about.Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has adifferent ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming should actand look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can giveyou a good suggestion on where to start - and that's in a bar. That'sright, go to a bar... preferably the kind that smells of stale beer andlots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick aman that looks interesting - it's best to stay away from the shallow"pretty boys" in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, Irecommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possiblyreassuring pot belly. Boldly approach him, more...
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie.
She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie."What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to more...