Income Jokes / Recent Jokes

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600, 000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. .. No."
"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheel chair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.
"Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three more...

Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute assuming he averages about 30 minutes a game.
Assuming $40 mil in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see Independence Day, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike)
He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 days.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
A quickie will net him $1855.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be 'reimbursed' $33,390 for that more...

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. .. no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless more...

An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"
Michael Jordan will make over $300, 000 a game: $10, 000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.
Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178, 100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7. 00, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike).
He'll make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice more...

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. .. no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the more...

An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?" Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike).He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that more...

Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals,
then it's only a small step to the rest.

For example;
1) As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would
agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.

2) You've relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a
uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or
Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie neighborhoods, have probably less than
the average (and don't forget the DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids,
Single Income No Kids)), while the families with 748 starving children that
they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that
15% of homes down a few percent.

3) You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one
good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend more...