In-laws Jokes / Recent Jokes

At the funeral, a priest was consoling the bereaved man

'Come, come my good man, tears cannot restore your mother-in-law.'

'Yes, I know... thats why I'm crying.'

I know a mother-in-law who sleeps in her spectacles, the better to see her son-in-law suffer in her dreams. - Attributed to Ernest Coquelin

However much you dislike you mother-in-law you must not set fire to her. - Ernest Wild

Distrust all mothers-in-law. They are completely unscrupulous in what they say in court. The wife's mother is always more prejudiced against the husband than even the most ill-treated wife. If I had my way, I am afraid I would abolish mothers-in-law entirely. - Sir Geoffrey Wrangham

Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

Adam and Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

Sometimes you cannot tell if a man is trying so hard to be a success to please his wife or to spite his mother-in-law.

Does it really surprise anyone that Mother-in-Law's Day occurs less than one week before more...

One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

The service was about to start. Everyone was in their pews chatting about their families, jobs, etc. when suddenly Satan appeared in the front of the church.

Panic ensued. In their rush to get out the back doors, people jumped over pews, trampled one another, and flew through the doors at record speeds. When the dust settled the only ones in the auditorium are Satan and one older gentleman, who did not seem at all concerned that Satan was standing directly in front of him.

Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"

To which the older gentleman replied, "Yup. Sure do."

Satan: "Aren't you afraid of me?"

Older gentleman: "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan was quite perturbed at this so he got right in the man's face and asked, "And would you mind telling me why not?" The older gentleman replied, "Been married to your sister for more...

Chorus: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is
ONE: Finding a Christmas tree.
****
TWO
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The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is my
[Husband]: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

THREE
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The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
[Inebriated man]: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

FOUR
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The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
[Frustrated man]: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.
FIVE
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The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

SIX
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The sixth more...

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife said,' 'What are we going to do?''

''Nothing,'' said the hunter,' 'The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''