Horny Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Your 'Imbruglia' hairdo has turned into a 'Bronwyn Bishop'... and you've stopped caring.
2. You have absolutely no idea where you're shoes are.
3. The "Chicken Dance Song" seems like a really good tune.
4. You mistake a police car from a cab and shout obscenities when it doesn't stop for you.
5. You've started having a row with yourself. Out loud.
6. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies loo because you tried twice and ended up on the floor on your bum... And it was wet.
7. You bump into people on their way to work.
8. You keep dancing into people and you've fallen off the podium - twice.
9. They've stacked all the chairs and turned the lights on.
10. You've been flashing your boobs at passers by.
11. Creme De Menthe, Advocaat or Grenadine suddenly seem to be viable drink options.
12. You start crying.
13. You can't stop.
14. There are less than three hours before you're due to start more...
A man was sent to war in the middle east. Upon entering the camp he is greeted by his superior who informs him that this is a peaceful camp and if he should ever become horny that the answer to all his problems was located behind the camp wall. When he looked over the wall he saw a huge hairy camel and vowed that he would never become horny here and that he could wait until he got home.
Two weeks passe and he soon became extremely horny so he tolded one of his mates his problem. The other guy said " No problem. Just look over that wall there and there is the answer to all your problems."
The guys face lights up with joy and he ran over to the wall expecting to see something different but it was still the same old camel. He thought no way in hell and went about his business.
A month later he couldn't take it anymore. He asked another guy what to do and he said "Behind the wall is the answer to all your problems." The guy sighed but was so horny he more...
One day a guy goes to a whore house and says to the pimp that runs the place, "I'm really, really horny and I only have a buck fifty"
The pimp replies follow me my man ill hook you up he leads him to a room and unlocks it he walks into the room to find a duck he hesitates "a duck he thinks?" but since he's really horny and he can't get anything better, he unzips himself and start humping away in the duck
The guy finishes zips up and leaves the next day he comes in with five bucks and asks for a live sex show. The pimp leads him to a room with a large audience and on stage there is a guy fucking a goat. He laughs his head off and says to a guy sitting next to him "This is the funniest thing I've ever seen!"
The other guy quickly replies, "You should've been here yesterday -- there was a guy fucking a duck!!!"
The young farmer was getting horny at the sight of the farmgirl whom he was interviewing for a job. He thinks if he could get her horny as well, he might strike lucky. As luck would have it, his cow was just being serviced by his neighbour's bull and he took her around to show it to her. He said, "I'll like to do what that bull is doing". She replies "Why don't you? It's your cow".
This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.