Horny Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Voodo dick

    Hot 1 week ago

    A husband had to leave town on a buisness trip his wife was the flirtatious type so he thought about buying an infatable doll but that was too close to another man for him so he went to a adult toy store and talked to the old man behind the counter. The old man said well I really shouldnt show you this but ok....he bought out this box with all these stange looking symbols on it and inside lay a very ordinary looking dildo. The man was like
    "That is like every other dildo in here."
    The old man said well you have mot seen what it can do..he pointed to the door and said "voodo dick, the door" the dildo rose up out of the box shot towards the door and started banging the heck out of the keyhole, before it could split down the middle the old man said "voodo dick back to the box." the dildo stopped banging the keyhole and floted back to the box. The husband was so amazed he intantly offered the old man all his money and the old man accepted. He told the more...

    A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers... they..."Man, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor."Madam, "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses."Man, "It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it."

    Offensive License Plates

    Hot 2 years ago

    Michigan's Secretary of State is under fire for recalling a "vanity" auto license plate that was deemed offensive.
    The plate reads "4 RU486", a reference to the "French" abortion-inducing drug. Critics of the action point out that other vanity plates which could be considered offensive, such as CAL-GIRL, GSPOT, HORNY, HUMP, I124Q, JUGS and NADS, have not been recalled.
    Then there's Theresa Watt; she's had her name on her plate for 20 years: TWATT.
    A state spokeswoman said that 4 RU486 was recalled under the "illegal activity or substance" portion of the license plate law, but the critics retort that neither RU486 nor abortion is illegal. (AP)
    ... Nor is it illegal to be horny, to have a G-spot.

    What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad? One goes "Ribbit" and the other goes "Rubbit."

    1. Your 'Imbruglia' hairdo has turned into a 'Bronwyn Bishop'... and you've stopped caring.
    2. You have absolutely no idea where you're shoes are.
    3. The "Chicken Dance Song" seems like a really good tune.
    4. You mistake a police car from a cab and shout obscenities when it doesn't stop for you.
    5. You've started having a row with yourself. Out loud.
    6. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies loo because you tried twice and ended up on the floor on your bum... And it was wet.
    7. You bump into people on their way to work.
    8. You keep dancing into people and you've fallen off the podium - twice.
    9. They've stacked all the chairs and turned the lights on.
    10. You've been flashing your boobs at passers by.
    11. Creme De Menthe, Advocaat or Grenadine suddenly seem to be viable drink options.
    12. You start crying.
    13. You can't stop.
    14. There are less than three hours before you're due to start more...

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