Curtain Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    How to Shower Like a Man

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch
    your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
    4. Get in the shower.
    5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
    6. Wash your face.
    7. Wash your armpits.
    8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
    9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
    10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
    11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
    12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
    13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
    14. Pee (in the shower).
    15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor more...

    Curtain Rods - Priceless

    Hot 2 years ago

    She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
    On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
    On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
    When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
    She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
    Then slowly, the house began to smell.
    They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
    Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
    Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for more...

    Sweet Revenge

    Hot 3 years ago

    After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.

    The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place.

    The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.

    While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay.

    When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

    The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the more...

    Bitter Wife's Revenge

    Hot 2 years ago

    After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. Their downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love, so he asked the wife to move out and told her that he would buy her another place.

    The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.
    On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
    On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay.

    When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow shaft of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
    The husband came back with his new girl and all was bliss for the more...

    I.
    Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)II.
    Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.III.
    Use the element of surprise. more...

  • Recent Activity