Fifteen Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Sleeping In The Barn

    Hot 1 year ago

    Three men are driving in a car when it breaks down on an abandoned road: A Hindu man, a Jewish man, and a Polish man. After walking for a few miles, they come across a farm with a barn. Desperately seeking a place to sleep for the night, they knock on the door and ask the farmer if they can sleep in the barn.
    The farmer says it's OK as long as they don't disturb his sleep or the animals, so the three men go to sleep in the barn with all the animals.
    Fifteen minutes later, the Hindu man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with sacred cows next to him. The farmer says it's OK and lets him in.
    In another fifteen minutes, the Jewish man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with pigs next to him, and the farmer says this is OK. Now only the Polish man is outside.
    Fifteen minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door, and by this time more...

    The Cab

    Hot 2 years ago

    A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
    So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
    The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
    hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
    One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
    Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well, who should he see more...

    1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
    2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
    3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
    4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
    5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
    6. Bring cheerleaders.
    7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester more...

    The pigeons in the park

    Hot 4 years ago

    For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.
    "You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
    The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
    Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
    "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
    Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head!"

    Two Statues

    Hot 4 years ago

    For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
    "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
    The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
    "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
    Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time...
    you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

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